I Can Only Please One Person Per Day-Today I Choose Me
I Can Still Remember A Time When I Was Smarter Than My Phone
I Don’t Always Drink Beer-But When I Do…I Prefer To Drink A Lot Of It
I Don’t Always Drink When I’m Camping-Oh Wait, Yes I Do
I Don’t Even Believe Myself When I Say I’m Only Going To Have One Beer!
I Don’t Have A Problem With Caffeine-I have A Problem Without It
I Dream Of A World Where Chickens Can Cross The Road Without Having Their Motives Questioned
I Drink Coffee Because I need It, And Wine Because I Deserve It
I Fart In Your General Direction
I know What Men Want-I Just Don’t Think They Deserve It
I Like Big Mutts – And I Cannot Lie
I Like Holding the Door For People Who Are Far Away So they Have To Run A Little